Tuesday, February 16, 2016

My Tears Are Watering the Ground for My Blessings

I won’t say the last few months were easy after getting the results from our first failed IUI. It actually sucked! Though our lives were back to ‘normal’ I began putting a lot of things into perspective. I realized through this first process, God was still sustaining me. He never left us nor failed us. My husband was amazing. Our relationship got stronger and our prayer life got even better. During this time I began researching IUIs, success rates and began realizing that most IUIs aren't successful the first round and it took 2-3 IUIs before it worked.  This gave me hope and we decided that we try again March of 2015. This baby would be conceived in love after our 3rd wedding anniversary and if we were right on our calculations would be born after Christmas or be a New Year’s Baby.

We did like we had done before with first IUI except we prayed and believed that this time it would work. We ordered meds, we were ready!! Let’s go! March 26 was the day! We smiled and held hands again and believed God.

BRIEF PAUSE: I’m sure some of you are reading this and wondering why we are doing a second IUI if the first didn’t work. One thing during the ENTIRE process that my husband and I constantly did was to seek God in everything we did and heard from Him before we made a decision. Some “saints” and “ain’ts” will probably say “Fertility treatments, why didn’t they just wait on God?!?!” Fertility treatments in our eyes are no different from dialysis, cancer treatments, kidney transplants or any other medical treatments one receives for whatever will make their lives better. We realize more and more our journey to fertility was building our testimony. Our testimony was created to help others and build our faith!

Our second IUI felt different. We were still hopeful but I felt different. The morning of our TWW was April 17. I remember like it was yesterday. It was cold and rainy and gloomy. Traffic getting to the fertility center was backed up and in the mist of the rain I accidentally slid and bumped the back of the car in front of me. Luckily, neither of us had any damage and the driver saw my sorority tag on the front of my car and gave me a hug because his mom was also a member of the sorority.

I arrived to the center, labs were drawn, and I had the urge to cry. So I did. I left the center in tears and cried all the way home. I was praying my husband had left for work, however I knew better. When I opened the garage… He was still there. I remember crying out “Lord, Help Me!” I couldn’t shake this feeling. I felt down. I didn’t believe it worked. In fact I just knew that my menstrual cycle was soon to arrive. My husband has more faith than anyone I know and he encouraged me to pray and wait and hear from the doctors.  So we did… and we got the same news we got on November 17. No you aren’t pregnant. I took a walk in the rain with my dog and cried. This thing was breaking me down. Those tears wouldn’t stop! I arrived back home to my husband who by this time was on his knees praying and crying. I just remember him telling me he had to go for a drive and he had to leave because we both couldn’t be weak. He was so apologetic. I don’t think I saw him cry this much since his father passed away years before.   Lord, these tears have to be good for something. Little did we know these tears, these liquid prayers, were watering the seeds of blessings that were to come.

1 comment: