Thursday, January 28, 2016

What Are You Waiting For? When are You having Kids?

When you are having difficulty expanding your family, the last words you want to hear are "What are you waiting for?" or "When are you having Kids? Those words hurt and cut so deep. I don't think people really understand how that question can make a wonderful day suddenly spiral into moment where you are remembering the fact you aren't pregnant, you have more tests to have done, more labs to get drawn and more hills to climb. It serves as a constant reminder of the fact that you are still on the Other Side of the Blessing. What's The Other Side of the Blessing

The Other Side of the Blessing is that place that really doesn't feel good. It's that place where you are trying to cleave to every promise that God has said will happen but the weight of it not happening when you think it should happen is so heavy upon your heart. It's a place where no one has the words to comfort you and hearing the words, "Relax it will happen" makes you cringe and steam angrily exits from your ears! It's the place where you are waiting to get to The Other Side of the Blessing.... Where you are happy because you have gone through your trials and you finally hear from God. 

I know when I've been asked that question it was not intended to hurt me because it is the next thing that happens after you get married, right? It's only asked because people see how good we are with other people's children and how much the children in our congregations love us so much, right? They only ask because we are loving people who need to bring other loving people into the world to make it a better place, right? Well those words still hurt.

I wish more people would think twice before asking a couple, "What are you waiting for?"

Lord Teach Me How to Wait

It was August 2012, only five months of being married, my husband and I decided it would be great to start our family. We heard all of the advice of waiting until you have been married two or three years before you considered having children or the advice of traveling and enjoying each other before we thought about expanding our family.... Blah blah Blah... We had prayed and decided we were ready.

After months of enjoying each other we still had not become pregnant. No problem right? I was busy with work, my sorority functions, church functions at our newly assigned charge and enjoying being a wife. When it happens, it will happen.

July of 2013, I found myself in my OB/Gyn's office asking what more I could do. She didn't seem worried and in fact had seen many cases of women my age who were experiencing the same thing.  "Relax Deronda, from your lab work and all of your medical records all appears to be well. Let's revisit this at your next appointment. Remember we are citizens of a different kingdom! God's got this and you!"

I could hear the words my wonderful doctor said. She was a believer and so was I but did she really want me to WAIT. I mean WAIT a full 365 days until we did something else. Couldn't she just write a prescription for Clomid or some other easy pill I could take? I felt like the spoiled little girl on the movie Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Instead of wanting an Oompa-Loompa I wanted a baby and I wanted it NOW! 

Fast forward a year later, my husband and I found ourselves in a Waiting Room. This waiting room was filled with other women. Some looking like they were ready to pop, others looking just as scared and uncertain as we were. We waited for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was only 10 minutes. Then I heard what seems to be the loudest most shocking sound, "Mrs Washington?!" As we walked to the examining room my nerves were causing me to give fake smiles to everyone we passed, crack my knuckles and have the sudden need to really go the ladies room before I wet my pants. We arrived into the familiar examining room and like always my sweet doctor greeted us with her bubbly personality and warm spirit. After catching up on what was going on in our lives the last 365 days she suggested we see a Reproductive Endocrinologist, someone who was knowledgeable of all things dealing with reproductive issues and infertility.

Wait a minute!!!! You want me to see someone about infertility issues? Infertile? I hear the word before. I knew the definition of the word. It was an adjective meaning, not fertile, unproductive, sterile, barren. Certainly those words were not going to be used to describe me nor my husband.

My husband reassured me that all would be well and that we should focus on God's promises and not the present situation. After leaving the doctor's office, and reassuring my husband I was okay to drive home, I called and made an appointment with the specialist and cried all the way home.