Monday, March 7, 2016


We spend most of our time in life waiting for something. We wait for the traffic light to change. We wait to be next in line at the grocery story. We wait until we find that one to fall in love with and get married. We wait in waiting rooms. We wait to be blessed with children. We wait.....

For the last 3 years I spent a lot of time WAITING. I waited on a positive pregnancy test. I waited for tests results to come back. I waited! I waited!

During my times of waiting I began to journal, pray, practice yoga, fall in love with my husband all over again, busy myself with my church activities and simply tried to not lose my routine. I watched a movie once called Reign over Me starring Don Cheadle and Adam Sadler. One of the quotes that was so profound in the movie was "It's okay to fall down but just don't stay there, get up."  I am not ashamed to say during these three years of waiting that I had many days that I fell down either emotionally, socially or physically.  Some days I couldn't make myself happy even if I tried. There were days where I couldn't force myself to be a social butterfly even if I had the opportunity to be around people I enjoyed. There were some days where I literally fell to our prayer room floor crying and sobbing. One thing I NEVER lost was my FAITH!!!!!!!!! I knew God would do it but it was often difficult waiting. I had to make waiting a better time and I did.

Keeping a Journal was a way that I could write and just allow my feelings to flow. Often times my journal entries turned into doodling and I would have words or pictures connected with squiggly arrows. I journaled while I waited in the doctor's offices in between treatments or labs. It gave me an opportunity to focus more on His Promises and not so much of the problems. I journaled more than just me wanting a baby. I journaled in church. I journaled every chance I got. I remember writing in a journal names of all the ladies I knew wanting children and I wrote down prayers for them as well. In my mind I was thinking if God can do it for them, I know He can do it for me. I journaled scriptures, dates, feelings, blessings for our future child, dreams for my husband, our marriage and so many other things. I ended most of the journals with, "It is So!"

I enrolled in Yoga classes. I'm ever so grateful to Jaclyn Vandorhoof, owner of Yoga Den Charleston. She was so amazingly patient with me as I had never done yoga before. Originally my enrollment with yoga classes were to help with my back discomfort but I was able to fully relax and meditate with each practice on God's will for my life.  At the beginning of each practice, Jaclyn would tell us to set our intentions for each practice and to focus on our intended outcome. In addition to becoming more flexible and relaxed, I began gaining an indescribable sense of peace while I meditated. I set my intentions with every practice by praying and focusing on scriptures. Often times I found myself shedding "yoga tears."  After much research on "crying in yoga" I learned that yoga allows you to be free to relax and solely focus on you. It's intentionally clearing your mind of all the junk and distractions and allow your mind to focus on what your body needs. My body needed this so I allowed it.

I've heard of so many stories where couples' marriages were strained or ended in divorce because of fertility issues. I refused to allow that to happen in our marriage or at least I made a strong effort to not let it happen. I found reasons to fall in love with my husband all over again.  I believe that God gave me the best husband on this planet. I am so grateful that in my weakest moments he knew how to remain strong for the both of us. I'm also grateful that he didn't check me into any mental institutions when I fell hard. lol (I'm serious though) I loved how he still tried to maintain some sense of routine and normalcy in our home and still invited our Wednesday Night Crew over for dinner and talks which forced me to cook and entertain and laugh. I fell in love all over again. Not worshiping, not praying, not praising, missing services, not doing our daily devotions were not options during this time. We both realized then and now his best sermons were preached and our best prayers were prayed privately in our homes. Publicly he made sure I didn't miss a choir rehearsal or meeting with the youth in our church or that I didn't say no to any speaking engagements at our church or in our community. I fell in love all over again!

I also tried not to lose my daily routine. Of course it would be easier to stay in bed eating Rice Chex cereal and crying while watching the Hallmark and Lifetime Movie Channels but what would that solve? I never missed a day at work during this time. A couple of my coworkers knew what was going on but they never allow me to stay down. I stayed busy with my committees in my sorority. I'm grateful for them unknowingly piling work on me. lol (Thanks Gretchen Morgan!)  Our business, Legacy Graphics and Designs, LLC still had to function.  There were orders to be filled, tshirts to be printed and graphics that needed to be designed. I also volunteered being a lunch buddy for my friends' children.  Keep moving Deronda!! Just keep moving!!

Do research: I researched infertility success stories and to find out what works. I googled, castor oil treatments, natural herbal supplements and other things I could do to allow my body to align with God's will for my life. I even anointed my body with oil my husband blessed. I also found out that my husband was praying and anointing my body while I slept. (yeah I love him)

When I was keeping my routine while I waited, I focused more on the blessings around me more than I focused on not being pregnant.

It's not so bad waiting if you know what to do while you Wait...

While I waited...................................

Scripture: Psalm 40:1-4
1I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LordBlessed is that man that maketh the Lord his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.

I journaled.....


I practiced Yoga

I worked with my sorority sisters.....

We prayed and worshiped together...

This amazing crew was always there for good laughs..

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