"Excuse me if I get a little Giddy or maybe even strange"---- It's Father's Day

"Tomorrow is Father’s Day! I am so very happy because this Father’s Day is so much different than any I’ve experienced in the past for this in fact is my first Father’s Day as a real life dad. Yes, as a Pastor, I’ve always received messages, cards, and even gifts on Father’s Day simply because of the calling over my life, but this one is totally different since we are actual parents…Look where God has brought us from. So if I’m a little giddy, can’t stop smiling, or overwhelmingly emotional tomorrow, please let me have that time, because guess what…..my baby’s having a baby, and I’m a daddy!!!! ‪#‎BraylensDaddy‬"--- Facebook Status of Jarrett Washington

I read his status on last evening and my heart melted.  I recall Father's Day 2012 as if it were yesterday. My father was delivering the Father's Day message at the first church we were assigned to. As my husband got up to introduce him, he thanked my father for being an amazing father in love and a few other sentimental words. He then said words that I've never forgotten. He said, "I'm wishing the Ole Man and all the other father's an amazing Father's Day. I may not be one this Father's Day but next Father's Day I will be a father!"  That was four years ago. During our fertility journey my husband never gave up on remembering God's promise to him. 

For years I've seen him wear homemade Dr. Suess hats reading to kindergarten students, cheering at football games, helping with essays, teaching boys how to tie a tie and even allowing our godson to have our home as a haven with no rules... sliding down banisters and even saying yes to him when his parents said no. Last summer I witnessed him cry at the airport when he saw one of the youth from our church off to California not knowing when she would return. I've witnessed him stand with a little boy at Easter who forgot part of his speech to give him support. I've seen him hold my hands and felt him dry my tears as we waited for God to expand our family and I saw how he fell apart on April 17 and again on September 25 when we received the news that our fertility treatments didn't work. That was then..... This is now. If you TRULY knew our story you would understand our celebration and praise. 

A few weeks ago at one of our baby showers everyone witnessed the joy that he felt of being a dad when he promised to only open one of the many gifts we received because there was an abundance of gifts and blessings. Instead of opening one gift......let's just say my husband enjoyed himself and rightfully so. He opened every gift that was presented. 

I have a few tricks up my sleeves today as I celebrate my husband on his first of many Father's Day. As I turn 36 weeks today, time is winding down and he will have lots of work to put in.... lol! I'm so grateful that God has blessed my husband and I to truly celebrate our own Father's Day. He deserves it! He was faithful over the few things and God is blessing him with his own. This was no easy journey and the road was far from smooth and easy but look how God has moved. My husband is going to be a daddy............ He is a daddy. He's our furbaby Jaxson's human daddy and Braylen's daddy. If you see my husband is giddy today, please praise and celebrate with him!

Happy Father's Day Jarrett Britton Washington!

Scripture: Psalm 127: 3-5 "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court"

It was Necessary

This weekend I was able to view a video by recording artist Fantasia Barrino. This live recorded video is an impromptu worship with friends that went viral in a matter of hours. As I meditated on the words of the song I thought about the journey my husband and I took to get to "The Other Side of the Blessing." I went into worship of my own. The words of the song simply says:

"I am who I am today because God used my mistakes. He worked them for my good like no one else ever could........... It was necessary."

I immediately thought about the roller coaster of the path we took to get to a place called Here and I realized like never before that God allowed us to be on this path so that we could witness to others who were on the same journey to expanding their families. When we were on the journey I remember crying out to God that I didn't want to be anyone's testimony. I wanted Him to bless me indeed and enlarge our family. I didn't want to wait.  As I look back on this journey I can say boldly, "It was necessary!" As I minister to and pray for those ladies and families who are having difficulty expanding their families I am able to tell them of our journey. I truly wouldn't have been able to minister to them if I didn't go through the process.


Jarrett and Deronda being broken to their lowest point.-- It was NECESSARY!

Being told we only had a 5% chance of having a child---It was NECESSARY!

3 Failed Fertility Treatments--It was NECESSARY!

People constantly asking when we would have children--It was NECESSARY!

4 years of testing and doctors' appointments--It was NECESSARY!

Praying for others more than we prayed for ourselves--It was NECESSARY!


These things all worked for our Good!!! We never gave up in the process. We never stopped praying. We remained humble and are forever grateful of how God blessed us for our faithfulness. I am forever grateful that my husband never gave up on me in the process. There were many days I didn't feel like I was the best me that I could be.

It was NECESSARY!!

Click here to Listen to Fantasia:  Necessary

The Elders of a Community Are The Voice of God

There is an African Proverb that says, "The Elders of a Community Are The Voice of God."   I believe I've always known this but it's amazing how God has confirmed this so many times in the past  few days. During this last few days I was able to visit a senior neighbor in my childhood neighborhood who is just like a grandmother to me, sit at a baby shower for Baby Braylen in front of the Senior Mothers of our church and read a card confirming how wise our elders are.

A few years ago during our difficulty expanding our family, I was tossing and turning in my sleep and very restless. My thoughts kept going back to the promises of God and when He would answer our prayers. Suddenly I saw a silhouette appear in the bathroom door of our bedroom. For some reason it didn't startle me because I could see the shape of the silhouette and the smile on the face and recognized it to be the spirit of my deceased grandmother, Anna Mae Corbin. She was smiling so brightly and simply said to me, "I'm so proud of you. God is doing a magnificent work in you. You even became a Missionary. You are making me so proud. Look at my grandbaby girl.... My baby girl is going to have a baby girl! Isn't that something?!"  As fast as she appeared, she disappeared. That night I got the best sleep and rest that I had had in a long time. I will always remember this spiritual visit from my grandmother and will hold it dear to my heart.

This week I had the opportunity to visit my childhood neighborhood and literally received prayers and blessings from the eldest neighbor. She decreed and declared blessings over Baby Braylen's life and how brilliant she will be because God took extra time in forming her. I was so overwhelmed by the prayers that I had no doubt that the prophesy she spoke would come forth. There is just something about having God speak through the elders to you.

On this past Saturday our church family hosted a beautiful shower for Little Miss Braylen. (Baby Showers blog coming soon) In the midst of the fellowship and opening gifts I read a beautiful card that had these words:

"Back in the day the old folks would gather around a newborn. With hearts full of hope, they'd take turns holding the precious little one close. Then, softly, sweetly they'd whisper, "Are you the one? Are you the one to dream exciting new dreams, the one to soar to amazing new heights to live a life of limitless possibility?"

After I read the card, I looked up and realized that the organizer of the shower strategically had a reserve table for the Senior Mothers of the church that was placed directly in front of my table. Though these mothers didn't say much during the shower, they occasionally nodded and smiled as the younger ladies played games and enjoyed each other's fellowship.  Before the shower came to an end, I made sure to hug and thank the Senior Mothers for attending as well as thanking them in advance for their wisdom and knowledge I know they will share with me for Baby Braylen.

None of these events that transpired within days apart of each other were happenstance. I believe God, as He always does, was reminding me to not only honor my elders but to remember they have wisdom and can share so much with me. I'm sure Braylen will be resting in one of their arms during worship experiences really soon and being poured into spiritually. 

I'm so blessed to have a wonderful "village" that will help in the maturation process for Braylen and even my husband and I. I know there is a lot to learn and I, as a "new age" mom, will need to sit at their feet many days to learn. 

                   

               

..........And Bless Baby Braylen

Throughout our journey from Faith to Fertility we knew undoubtedly people were praying for us. We knew that people were calling the names of Jarrett and Deronda in their prayers and on days when we were too weak to pray, we felt the prayers of the righteous and we saw them avail and manifest into something greater. 

Sunday after Sunday the altar at our church, Hopewell AME Church in Hemingway, SC, becomes full with parishioners desiring prayer, interceding for others and simply coming to lay their burdens down. This particular Sunday was no different except the wonderful experience took place before the the altar was open for prayer. In fact it happened during the Children's Sermon. As usual our Children's Sermon Messenger gave an inspiring message to about 20 youth standing at the altar with her. I love how every Sunday she ties in a treat with her sermon and offers the most amount of treats to the youth that closes the sermon with their own prayer. I believe the incentive for this sermon was an entire bag of Dum Dum lollipops.  The hands of all of the children began waving in the air when she asked who wanted to pray. And here is when my soul got happy. After selecting the young girl to pray and her requesting us to bow our heads I heard one of the most sincerest prayers. This sweet child prayed for her family, her sisters, her church family and then I heard this, "Father bless our Pastor Washington, First Lady Washington, and bless Baby Braylen and cover them in your blood and keep them safe! Amen!"  I was literally moved to tears because out of the mouths of babes this young girl prayed for our sweet baby who she had not met yet.

I wasn't surprised at her prayer because this is the same sweet girl who hugs me every Sunday and waves at my belly saying "Hey Braylen!" From this Sunday forward I noticed that the children of our church prayed and called Baby Braylen by name in their prayers. I laugh because sometimes they forget about pastor, me or their families but they never forget about Baby Braylen. For that, I am extremely grateful.

Ironically, either a few Sundays before or after we discussed having Childlike Faith in our Church School lesson. During our journey I asked God for that child-like faith. Children are almost always specific when they pray. They believe! It is that simple. So Jarrett and I never stopped believing! We have daily discussions of what we desire Baby Braylen to be and we ask God in our prayers to let it be so. 

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood many people have lost the art of asking. Perhaps it seems presumptuous, selfish or a waste of time. Whatever the reason, God is not offended when we ask in childlike faith. Some of the most sincerest prayers I've heard comes out of the mouths of babes. I once heard a child pray, "Dear God, it must be super hard to love all the people in the world, especially my sister. I don't know how You do it."  Talk about laughter. Some were serious like, "Dear God, mommy says my granny has Old Timers (Alzheimer's) disease and she may not remember me or certain things soon. God I love my grandmother but will you always help her to remember how much I love her?"

Whether the prayers of children have greater impact or not, they have a direct line with the Father, and they ask without qualifying their petitions. We need to pay attention. We too often allow our doubts to seep into our prayers. Not kids.

I am forever grateful for everyone especially the children who have added "..............and bless Baby Braylen"  to their prayers.

Song: Mississippi Children's Choir: I'm Blessed 

https://youtu.be/bCSE9XKBXIk

This Guy Is Gonna Be A Daddy

I've never seen him change a diaper. I've never seen him feed a baby. I've never even seen him rock a baby to sleep but I know my husband is going to be an amazing dad. From the time I told him I was expecting our first child until now, I've seen my husband morph into a totally different person. After I told him I was pregnant one of the first words he uttered was, "I am going to be a daddy!"  The sound of those words made me bite my bottom lip to keep from crying. I instantly corrected him and said, "You are going to be an amazing dad!"

During the course of our journey I've seen lots of ups and downs but the blessings of the ups outweighed the downs. I was ever so happy that he never missed any of my doctor appointments whether it be in person or through FaceTime. The joy on his face with every ultrasound or hearing of her heartbeat is indescribable.

On the evening of February 18, 2016, the day our niece was born I saw a totally different side of my husband. When we got the news our niece made her grand entrance into the world, my husband jumped up as if he was a fireman hearing a siren and started yelling, "Let's go!! My niece is here!!! I'm an uncle!!! My brother and sister made me an uncle!!! Yes God!!!! Deronda let's go!!!!!!"  He drove to the hospital I'm sure not obeying the speed limits to visit our new family. When his brother came out to talk to us and tell us about the birthing experience my husband listened intently and with so much excitement.  It was reassuring watching their interactions. He began dreaming and declaring how he wanted our daughters to grow up as bestfriends and cousins and how much fun he and his brother would have raising their children together.  A few months later I saw the excitement he had in planning a small 3rd birthday party for our our Godson CJ. He left no stone unturned and got so much satisfaction when all went well.

One of his many prayers throughout our fertility journey was that we would be able to raise our children to be close in age with family and friends. Boy did God hear him and answer those prayers. He blessed us with a niece on February 18, 2016, a nephew through our bestfriends on March 30, 2016, Baby Braylen is slated to arrive July 2016 and another of his childhood friend's wife is due in November! I can't wait to capture a picture of all of them with their children.

I never knew what type of dad my husband was going to be until I saw the love and energy he put into preparing for our baby girl's arrival. Dressed in his "This Guy Is Gonna Be a Daddy" tee and up early on his 'day off', I fell in love all over again with a man who loved his unborn daughter so much. My husband was never a handy man. In fact, he'd rather pay someone to to do the repairs and handy work around the house. (I don't blame him lol) However, this man got so much joy in putting her crib together with his bestfriend and he single-handedly assembled her dressers and chest of drawers, changed her air vent covers and just worked hard to ensure all of her needs were met. During his "Bob the Builder" escapades I could hear him mumble, "Braylen, daddy isn't taking any shortcuts putting these together. This has to be put together right!"

For years my husband has been a father to many in his congregations attending their basketball games, awards ceremonies, graduations, soccer games and even court hearings but this time it's different. "This Guy is Going to be a Daddy" to a little girl who he prayed for and waited for. I'm 100% sure she is already loves him too because she leaps in my belly every time she hears his boisterous voice preach or talk to her. I love how everyone also sees how much of an amazing dad he is going to be.

Jarrett Britton Washington, is going to be a daddy...An Amazing Daddy! I never knew how much I loved Braylen's father until I saw how much he already loves her!

Jarrett building her chest of drawers

Jarrett and Clinton putting her crib together

Scripture: Psalm 127 3-5
Song: Daddy by Beyonce: Click here to Listen

May I Add You To My Prayer Wall?

"May I add you to my prayer wall?"  Those are words that I've spoken a lot in the last 6 months. These words were said to women who were desirous of children and were having difficulty expanding their families. Some were hoping and praying for natural conceptions, while others were praying their fertility treatments worked. There were a few that desired their foster parent status changed to full adoptive parent status. There were also a few praying for God to bless them to start the direct adoption process. Whatever their desire, I wanted to add them to my prayer wall. 

If you recall this is the same prayer wall in our prayer room that my husband and I went to during various parts of our day either together or separately to sit, kneel or lay prostrate and simply speak to God. This room was also designated as the room of our unborn child.  This was the same prayer room that housed the prayer wall we went to every time we had a failed fertility treatment or received bad news from the doctor, yet still this was the same room we praised and thank God in for our unborn child. My husband and I are both convinced that this room was where God met us and our miracle was created. 

To this day we aren't sure of how many people prayed for us during the time we were desiring a child but we are appreciative those prayers sent up to Him were answered. For this and so many other reasons we continue to pray for those who are on their journey from Faith to Fertility.  Why do I specifically pray for those who are still on the journey?  I feel it is my responsibility to intercede on their behalf because I remember the times I was so broken that I could not pray so I know someone had to have been praying for my husband and me. Even after we conceived, we were in constant prayer that all would be well. We prayed against Down's Syndrome, heart abnormalities, and all other things associated with an "After Age 35" pregnancy.

I don't care whether it's morning, noon or night, I get so happy when someone whom I've been praying for calls, texts, emails or posts on social media that the prayers that I've been praying is answered. I love posting on social media the status, "Another Prayer Answered!! #faithToFertility". 

We were riding home from church one Sunday afternoon and I showed my husband a Facebook status that one of the angels on our prayer wall received her blessing. She and her husband were blessed with a beautiful baby girl through adoption. He looked at me and said, "Wow, your prayers are really being answered for your fertility friends! Praise God!"  I sat quietly in the car almost brought to tears by simply thanking God for their blessings. Then I thought about the prayers I prayed for others even when I was feeling empty and barren and God still heard my liquid prayers (tears) that went up. I remember crying out to God saying, "God if you just do it for them I know you can do it for me!"  At that instant I realized I started saying, "God you did it for me!! Now can you do it for __________________?!? (inserting the names of those on my wall)  I prayed for their husbands as I know what it was like to see my husband go through this process with me! 

Eight simple words.................. "May I add you to my prayer wall?"  My post today is not to boast in the power of my prayer life. It is simply a testimony of the fact that God is answering prayers of those who I've prayed for.  It is also to give hope to those who are still waiting on God to answer their prayers. 

"May I add you to my prayer wall?"

Scripture: 1 Samuel 1:27

Song:  I'm Praying For You by William Murphy  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1laNuIF_AGY

"Specialing" My Doctor

I'm blessed with the most amazing OBGYN ever. It's not because we are both members of the same sorority, Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. nor is it because we have mutual ties in the Charleston community. Dr. Kenosha Gleaton became my doctor in 2012 shortly after my primary care physician, Dr. Betty Obong passed away. It was almost as if God led me directly to her. I was in need of a new doctor and my friend gave a glowing reference for her and that's all I needed to hear.

Dr. Gleaton has been a major part of our Faith to Fertility journey. She always encouraged me reminding me that we were citizens of a different kingdom. As a doctor she had to give me all of the medical information I needed, however she would often tell me that spiritually God could  and would do supernatural things. She encouraged me to read the book, "You Shall Not Be Barren" and to declare that my husband and I would one day be parents. There is just something about having a doctor who believes in Christ and His promises. It's even more awesome knowing your doctor prays with and for you. This definitely was a great start to our "Christ-Centered Covenant" pregnancy. 

When we found out we were pregnant, Dr. Gleaton was over the moon with excitement. I believe she was elated because God had truly answered her prayers for Jarrett and me. The first appointment with Dr. Gleaton was amazing. The staff was awesome. It was everything I wanted and more. With every appointment brought tears of joy, excitement and just an overall sense of being grateful. Dr. Gleaton was always smiling and cheerful and just an all around earth angel. 

After speaking with friends who have had babies, they explained to me that during delivery unless your doctor is working or on call you may have another physician delivery your baby. I honestly didn't know how I felt about this. Is there a chance "Dr. G" wouldn't be there for one of my most important days ever?  I mentioned it to her nurse and she reassured me that Dr. Gleaton wouldn't miss out on this event. She said she may even come too. lol. She explained how doctors "special" their patients and no matter what happens they will be there.  In my research on the internet, I read on a mommy board how patients give their doctors gifts in advance if the baby is due during the Holidays to ensure they will be there for delivery as well as to say thank you.

I had the genius idea that I should SPECIAL my doctor and ensure she's there for Baby Braylen's delivery. I purchased her a SuperWoman shirt and thanked her for being so SPECIAL, SWEET, SUPERB, SPIRITUAL and SCHOLASTIC when it came to my health care. She was so shocked when she opened her gift. She immediately told me that her son had a matching onesie and she would be sure to take a picture of the two of them in their matching Superhero shirts.  She also reassured me that she would be there for the delivery, God's will. 

I'm forever grateful for Dr. Gleaton for being such an amazing doctor and a sweet friend. I am so excited to have Dr. Gleaton in our life as well as knowing that our baby is in good hands as she comes into this world. 

Dr. Gleaton pictured with her son.

Resources:

Dr. Kenosha Gleaton

Address: 2145 Henry Tecklenburg Dr #270, Charleston, SC 29414
Phone:(843) 789-1800

Yoga and My Fertility Journey

I've briefly discussed several times in my blog about how yoga played a part in my fertility journey. Almost a year ago I joined classes at Yoga Den and Core Studio with my now dear friend Jaclyn Vanderhoof.  Originally I joined to help with my lower back pain issues but I soon realized these classes were far more helpful in my journey of faith to fertility.

Besides being able to become more flexible and gain more lower back strength I began to focus on my meditation, my prayers to God in a quiet place and gain focus on the important things in life. Through guided meditations and practices I was able allow my body to become more focused on what it needed without distractions, clouded thoughts or focusing on why we weren't pregnant yet.

I remember after the first few practices I didn't feel like I was doing anything right. My tree poses were looking like the Leaning Tower of Pisa and it was so hard for me to fully relax during savasana. My yoga practices needed to become intentional.  I heard Jaclyn always say, "Set your intentions for the class" but I realized I was never really setting intentions. I was focusing on the poses and how long my eyes could stay fixated on the small dot on the wall I created to focus. During my 6 am Vinyasa class I was focusing on making sure my chaturangas and my cobras were in form I had no intentions.

Then it hit me. I was losing focus not only in Yoga practice but along this journey. I was praying. I was seeking God. However, I was not getting into a quiet place to really hear everything He was saying to me. I began to refocus my energy and thoughts on being in tune with God and hearing His voice. Oh My When I did!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yoga tears! I could hear God speaking to me in each practice.

It was then I realized that I needed to meditate more and not just simply pray. It had to be an intentional incorporation of both in my life.  Some saints will say "Did she stop praying?" No I didn't stop praying, however I used my yoga time and other times to commune with God on another level.

Prayer, in its specific meaning, means to ask or beseech God for something or another. A slightly broader understanding would include any sort of "talking" with God. Most people who pray at all are most familiar with prayer. Table grace, bedtime prayers, crisis pleas, and so on all fall under this definition of the word. Certainly prayer is the best known form of communication with God.

The practice of meditation includes the intent concentration on an object worthy of consideration. Most often, in the church, this would be a particular passage of scripture. (Joshua 1.8 we read, "The book of law shall not depart from your mouth; you shall meditate on it day and night.")

I had never meditated before. I was simply thinking that I can go in and clear my mind and start posing. It doesn't happen that way. Meditation involves clearing your mind of all things that needed to be gone and making room for the thoughts that are suppose to stay there.

One day during our guided meditation I felt a peace that overcame me. I was so relaxed and so in a zone that no thoughts were there EXCEPT a spirit of gratitude. I remember crying and thinking how exceptional God was because He kept me and my husband through the entire process. I remember one day my husband telling me how peaceful I was after meditation and yoga. I kept thinking I found a way to "carry everything to God in prayer and meditation."

Yoga may or not be for you but after reading this post my prayer is that you find a way to commune with your higher power on a level.  Find your inner place you are able to retreat with Him or Her where there is no interference, no distractions and nothing hindering you from perfect peace and meditation.


"The light in me honors the light in you. Namaste!"



Resources: 
The Holy Bible

Yoga Den and Core Studio
8600 Dorchester Road, Suite 205
North Charleston, SC 29420
843- 207-YOGA

A Video of me telling my Yoga Instructor Sister/Friend I'm pregnant!

Simple Thoughts on Mother's Day

Every Mother's Day I was elated to celebrate all of the mothers in my life including my own two mothers. Even when it was difficult because God had not yet answered my prayers, I still found joy in celebrating and showering others with love.

Last Mother's Day, only 23 days after we received results of our 2nd failed IUI, I woke up to a cheerful husband who had laid out gifts for me. It was difficult to even open because I knew what it was and it was a reminder that I still was not a mommy. I opened the gift with teary eyes and read the card and the last sentenced made me cry harder but with joy in my heart. The last words prophetically said... "This is yet another Faith Gift on our journey.....you will be a mom next year.. Let's believe together!" Inside the gift box were a gift for our unborn child and a quirky book about parenting that made me laugh and smile.

This Mother's Day I celebrate all mothers still on the journey. 

I celebrate mothers whose arms are still empty. 

I celebrate mothers who didn't complete the journey to being called mom but they answer to auntie, Godmother or friend. 

I celebrate those who are first time moms this holiday.

I celebrate those who like me never gave up and are carrying their child this Mother's Day.

It's amazing how a holiday that used to make me feel so empty now has me full! I am forever humbled that God thought enough of me to go through this journey. 

Preparing for Baby Part 2-- Nursery, Registries, and Decor, Oh My!

Preparing for Baby Braylen's arrival has been interesting. We prayed for this day for so long. Now that it's here we are soaking in every moment. It gave me great joy seeing my husband test out strollers to see which one would be perfect for his princess. I mean this guy checked agility, tires, ease of handling, breakdown and set up ease and so many other things that I wasn't aware of as if he was on a car lot making a new purchase.  I must say picking out a stroller for the registry was the easiest thing to do. How do two people who have never had a baby go about starting a registry?

I'm grateful to Pinterest and amazing friends who guided me through the registry process and also told me about the things that shouldn't be on the list. Truly after walking around Babies R Us and Target for a few minutes, I realized this selecting registry stuff wasn't for me. lol.  All the bottles began to look alike and they all did the same thing per the labels. I also wasn't sure whether Pampers or Huggies were best.  Who knew that babies didn't have a full crib set?  I was even more confused that top sheets for cribs didn't exist.  I was grateful when the customer service representatives told me I could do it online and gave me sweet parting gifts.

When it came to decor and picking out paint for her room there was no doubt of what I dreamed her nursery would look like. (Thanks Pinterest!) I'm blessed with an amazing mom that enjoys painting and making sure things get done. She's my real life Martha Stewart. She was so awesome ensuring Braylen's room was painted and ready for us to decorate. She came over early on a Saturday morning with her crew and ready to convert her granddaughter's room into something magical. She gave me the side eye when she realized the color of the nursery wouldn't be a soft girly pink but instead a buttercup yellow with accents of grey and white. Everyone was clearly expecting the nursery to be salmon pink and apple green in honor of my sorority colors but I'm not a fan of girly colors so yellow and grey it is!! We are not fans of cartoons nor characters so we decided her room will be all about her with monograms and special things that discreetly symbolize our journey from Faith to Fertility.

I love how everything is slowly coming together. I believe I'm officially in the nesting stage of my pregnancy and can't seem to stay out of her room. I think I go in there at least twice a day. I am excited for the day I can peak in her room and she's actually sleeping or standing in her crib waiting on her dad and I to start our day with her.  Oh My! Oh Baby!!! Braylen we are so excited to see you!

Preparing for Baby Part I--Childbirth Class & Our Birthing Decision

In preparation for the arrival of our sweet baby girl, one of the things we decided was imperative was taking a childbirth class.  As new parents we wanted to be prepared for what we should expect during delivery. I was so happy that many of the techniques we were taught during the short "active labor" session I already knew from my yoga classes. (Thanks Yoga Den!!!)  

The ALL day session was pretty informative and shed light on what hubby and I need to be prepared for as well as preparing our family and visitors who may want to be a part of the post delivery experience. Many people have asked questions about my pregnancy, delivery decisions, who will be in the room with us during delivery, etc. since we made our fertility story very transparent and somewhat public.  Though we are sharing our story with others to give them hope as well as share our journey, there are some things that will remain generic and private to ensure that there are just some things that remain intimate between my husband and I.

So about this Childbirth Preparation Class------ Enroll in the class if you are expectant parents. We chose to enroll in an all day Saturday class from 9am-4pm because our schedules wouldn't allow us to take classes during the week nights.  The class was very informative and we learned so much about the entire experience. I don't need any shockers the day of delivery and this class clearly gave both of us a lot to think about. I love that the class engaged the husbands and explained their role and how important they are in the overall process.  We took a tour of the hospital, birthing suites and the nursery where they went over all of the security measures they take with newborns. All in all the class was well worth the time spent.

For some unknown reason many people have begun to ask how we will deliver our baby. Natural, Epidural, or C-section?  We have honestly chosen not to tell anyone what we have decided as it relates to what we've prayed for will work for us. We've been on this journey to a place called Here and I honestly need to focus on the prayers and petitions that we added on our prayer wall as well as the ones we sent up to Him in our prayers.  We have prayed specifically to God about our childbirth and we know He will answer.  Why wouldn't He? If we've prayed specific prayers to God before and He answered why can't we do it with childbirth and it come to fruition? As a believer, I had to totally change my way of thinking and renewing my mind with the Word of God on the subject of having babies, the same way I renewed my mind that He was able to change a 5% chance of ever conceiving to a 100% blessing. I can no longer think the way the world thinks if I want to have the results, promises, and blessings that have already been given to me. For this reason, I cannot entertain catastrophic tales of how they screamed bloody murder during childbirth, words of discouragement or even how I should deliver our baby.  We are in a covenant relationship with Him and we know He's got us. "And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, he heareth us" (1 John 5:14) 

I'm convinced that there exist people who often fight for the right to suffer. They complain about every ache, every discomfort, and about being pregnant.  I'm grateful I have experienced what I call covenant, Christ-Centered pregnancy thus far. No nausea, morning sickness, no pain, moodiness and without fear. Even when I experience a little discomfort, I smile knowing how long I waited for this opportunity. As I enter my 3rd trimester, I am still in awe with several others of how amazing this pregnancy has been so far. I am so excited that my light is shining and He is getting the glory in this entire process. 

I've learned on this journey and received confirmation through this childbirth class to do what is right for me. I often reiterate those feelings with my husband so we are both on one accord.

Below are a few pics from our childbirth class! Enjoy.

Jarrett checking out the forceps! arghh

Trying out different birthing positions

Someone can't stay awake! 

When we came home I caught our furbaby checking out our book! lol

National Infertility Awareness Week: Take a STAND

Never in a million years would I think I would ever face Infertility issues. I did everything in order of what society deems acceptable. I finished college, got a job, dated, married my husband and was ready to have children. For many women it does not happen in that order. 

Ever since I became transparent about our difficulty expanding our family and our journey from faith to fertility, I have met hundreds of women who are silently suffering and pained at the thought of all it would take to conceive or knowing they may never be able to conceive.  

Gospel Recording Artist, Donnie McClurkin, wrote a song entitled, Stand. The lyrics simply say:

What do you do when you've done all you can

And it seems like it's never enough?

And what do you say

When your friends turn away

And you all alone, alone?

Tell me, what do you give when you've given your all

And it seems like you can't make it through?

Well, you just stand when there's nothing left to do

You just stand, watch the Lord see you through

Yes, after you've done all you can,

You just stand

For many women facing infertility issues Standing is one of the most difficult things to do. Standing when Doctors give you 5%  or less chances of ever conceiving  a child. Standing when you have had failed fertility treatments and you are still asked "What are you waiting on?" Standing when your health insurance plans do not cover treatments nor meds is not an easy feat. 

So I decided that when God blessed my womb to bear a child I would take a STAND for the many women who are silently struggling. I never knew that starting this blog would impact the lives of so many women. I'm blessed to be a vessel that God chose for this time.  This weekend I had the opportunity to sit in a room filled with women who shared in blessing my future daughter with love and wisdom. One of her "aunties" hugged me and said, "Thank you for your story and thank you on behalf of someone who didn't get to complete the full journey to motherhood." Today I am honored that I have a voice for the "eternal aunties" who love like moms, nurturing their village with love, support and wisdom.

For many years I was on a "STOPASKING" campaign so that people would stop asking women hard questions as it relates to fertility. You know "What are you waiting for to have children?" "Something must be wrong, have you tried meds?" However after going through three rounds of failed fertility treatments and finally conceiving naturally,  I am now on a campaign to STAND for others and #STARTASKING.

#StartAsking

• Employers for insurance coverage. 
• My lawmakers and legislators to support issues important to the infertility community. 
• My Friends and family to support you.
• The media to cover infertility and the real challenges we all face. 
• My network to make a donation to the cause. 
• My  partner to get involved.
• Those who have resolved their infertility to stay involved. 
• OB/GYN or healthcare provider to talk about MY reproductive health. 
• For affordable care for treatment of a disease. (PCOS, endometriosis, Ovarian Failure, etc)
• Legal access to all family building options nationwide.
• About men’s reproductive health

As we acknowledge National Infertility Awareness Week, I encourage you to ask the right questions and become more sensitive to the needs of those who may have difficulty expanding their families. 

Resources:

Resolve: http://www.resolve.org/

National Infertility Awareness Week: http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html

25 Things To (And Not to) Say to Someone living with Infertility:  http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/25-things-to-say-and-not-to-say.html

THOSE WHO INTERCEDE FOR OTHERS, SHOULD MAKE CERTAIN SOMEONE IS INTERCEDING FOR THEM.

I am honored to have my husband contribute to today's blog. The feelings from infertility, fertility issues, or difficulty expanding your family is not isolated to just the female. I remember after our initial appointment, I prayed to God, "If there is an issue, please let it be with me because I can handle this and I can go through all of the procedures to "fix" what is wrong."  I was relieved when all of his tests came back and he was not the source of our fertility issues. Now I needed him to be strong for me and help me work pass the "diagnosis" from doctors as well as to pray like never before. I didn't realize that my husband was also secretly going through and having just as many low moments as I was. 

How do you console a crying wife when you both are dealing with the same issue? We are both ever grateful for those who were intercessors and praying for us during this time. 

THOSE WHO INTERCEDE FOR OTHERS,  SHOULD MAKE CERTAIN SOMEONE IS  INTERCEDING FOR THEM. Aaron and Hur held his hands up-one on one side, one on the other. Exodus 17:12 Thank you.  Those two words have such a greater meaning in my life these days.  Honestly, if I had fainted, I would never believe that God could be so extraordinarily good to my wife and me.  Yes we pray; yes we believe; yet and still, we always felt so unworthy.  For some time my wife, Deronda, has been blogging about our experiences with conceiving a child of our own on her site, TheOtherSideoftheBlessing.  Each week, she shares a little bit more about our journey and how God blessed us despite our fertility doctors giving us a 5% chance at conception.  Even after three failed fertility treatments, we still trusted God.  Today, we are a little over 26 weeks (Praise the Lord) and we are excited to meet our daughter, Braylen Jael.  But it's been a journey.             In my season of thanks, I am so very thankful for the relationships we have that have been strengthened by this journey God has designed for our lives.  So many have sown seeds of thankfulness, prayer, and strength as we went through that which we have endured.  I recall, two friends in particular, who acted as living testimonies of God's promises.  I so vividly remember one evening Deronda and I, along with our friends, had a date night where we went to the movies to see "War Room" and have dinner.  While in the center of the restaurant the topic of child birth came up.  Our friends reminded us to continue to speak the name of our child in the atmosphere.  They agreed with us in prayer that God will perform in this situation.  As we spoke, the tears welled in my eyes because I knew that this last procedure had failed.  As we talked, my heart ached and I felt so overwhelmed by the circumstances surrounding our conception, or lack thereof.  I felt lifeless, as if I was a failure, my soul had literally collapsed to the ground.  The irony of it all is in my collapsing, I had this strong sense that these two friends of ours were holding me up.  They were literally not allowing me to hit the floor.             As I fell into their arms (in a spiritual sense) I was quickly reminded that those who intercede for others, better make sure there is someone interceding for them.  Intercession is spiritual warfare.  It is not for the faint or the feeble.  In Exodus 17, the reader is exposed to a detailed description of the battle between the Israelites and the Amalekites.  According to the text, as long as Moses was lifting up his arms, the Israelites were winning the battle.  But every time Moses' arms grew tired and were lowered, the Israelites would begin to fail.  Aaron and Hur saw what was occurring and immediately when alongside Moses and lifted his arms until the battle was won.             Today, I simply want to thank God that our friends were there to lift up our arms.  If they had allowed us to fail, we would not be celebrating the very gift of God growing in the womb of my wife.  It's an absolute wonder what the Lord can do!  I challenge you today, to discover the intercessors in your life.  Who are the people that will hold you up and hold you together until the battle is won.  I promise you, no matter how strong you are, there are things in this life that you are not designed to go through alone.  Be encouraged, someone is praying for you even right now.

For Your Glory

The suffering of this present time isn't worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us. 
Romans 8:18


Singer/Songwriter, Christal Brown Heyward wrote a song years ago entitled, "For Your Glory." Almost 5 years ago on 11/11/11 at her Tonight We Worship album release, I was able to hear her sing live, "For Your Glory."  I didn't realize how the song would minister to me and so many others back then as it does even more today.  The lyrics simply states:

"I've been through so much, but Lord it was for your glory. I've taken so much, but Lord, it was for your glory. In spite of all I'm Going through, and in spite of what the devil tried to do. Lord it's for your glory! It was for your Glory!! Everything I've gone through it was for the Lord's Glory!"

With every text message, Facebook Message, phone call, or email received about our journey of faith to fertility, I understand better now that it was all for God's glory. The tears we cried were for His glory. The failed fertility treatments were about us understanding how we can minister to and help those who are on their journey to fertility because we too have been on the road they are on. Though many people have surmised that we were blessed when we simply decided to wait on God and stop all fertility treatments, I tend to believe that it was because He was building our testimony that took 3 years to truly unfold. Many have also said "what the devil meant for evil God turned it around." I personally believe that it had nothing to do with the devil because God, all by his magnificent self, qualified us to be His mouthpiece to encourage others. It was all for His glory.

I'm honored each day that I have the strength and ability to share our testimony with others. I'm more honored that He used me as His vessel to spread the word of  our difficulty expanding our family. The irony of this all is I didn't always feel this way. In fact, I remember when I was going through the journey, all I wanted was an immediate result and my prayers answered by God. I could care less about being someone's witness through their difficulty. How can I effectively witness to anyone when in fact my close family and friends had no real idea of what we were really going through?  How could God use me when I've cried more than I smiled?  When I am told things like, "I'm so glad you are telling your story because I never would've had enough courage to do so" or "You are truly brave for for being so transparent" I beam with pride because again......... God chose me knowing I would not only tell our testimony but proclaim He was the one that gets the glory.

I didn't understand then that God was really building my testimony and my strength to deal with what I would face in order that I may tell our story. Everything that happened was for His glory and I am so excited that He chose me.



Scripture Reference: The suffering of this present time isn't worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18



Song Reference:  "For Your Glory" by Christal Brown Heyward
Click Picture below to listen.


Contact:
Christal Brown Heyward
gibsongmusic@aol.com
843.452.6867

Flowing from my Heart is Gratefulness

I must admit since we found out we were pregnant, found out it was a GIRL, spoke her name in the atmosphere for the first time, witnessed the amazing moment of recognizing it was my little baby moving and not an upset tummy nor gas (lol) I have not be able to control my tears. It's not hormones it's GRATEFULNESS!

I have been amazingly blessed with an amazing pregnancy thus far. NO morning sickness. NO major aches and pains. I've had no food nor smell aversions. Often times I forget I'm even pregnant besides the perfectly cantaloupe shaped belly that makes my heart smile. I'm simply Grateful! 

Sometimes I sit and think about how amazing He really is. I'm grateful that I never allowed my fear to hinder my transparency. I'm grateful He chose me for not only our testimony but for others to see if you remain faithful God has the ability to not only use for His Glory but give you a testimony that will help, heal, and bless those who have the same story or situation. I'm simply Grateful!

There has been an amazing outpouring of love and blessings towards me, Jarrett and Baby Braylen since we found out we were pregnant. I've never seen more packages delivered to our home weekly for a little girl who has not even arrived in the world yet. Baby shoes, cute outfits, Baby Bible, and love wrapped up in the form of friends who simply hug  us, celebrate with us and tell us they are there if we need them.  I'm simply Grateful!

With every doctor's visit comes a new reason to smile. I smile and get filled with wonderful joy when I see the staff who know our story, who prayed for our breakthrough and who are elated that this has been an amazing pregnancy. I'm forever grateful to the best OBGyn, Dr. Kenosha Gleaton, for her being SUPER, SPIRITUAL, STUDIOUS AND SPECIAL (Blog about "Specialing" coming soon!) I'm simply Grateful!

I didn't know how much the books "Supernatural Childbirth" and "Supernatural Childbirth Prayers" would mean to during this pregnancy. These books are filled with prayers and amazing stories of other women and families experiencing what others call "supernatural" or "impossible" during a pregnancy. I'm believing God for an amazing delivery because of this amazing pregnancy so far. If I'm in a covenant relationship with Him, standing on His word, believing His word, I too know that He will give me the desires of my heart for not only a supernatural pregnancy but a supernatural delivery and healthy baby. God said it! I believe it! That settles it!  I'm simply Grateful!

As I look back over the course of the last 3 years I realize that it has truly been a journey. We've experienced lots of highs and tremendous lows. During this time we still remained faithful and prayerful. I was grateful for the family and friends and now even more of the process we have gone through to be to a place called Here. I'm grateful for this journey though I didn't appreciate it when I was walking and sometimes crawling on this path. I'm simply Grateful!

Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 5:18 - In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Song: Be Grateful by Walter Hawkins (Click here to listen)